Post by §lacker✗ on Jun 10, 2006 5:53:04 GMT -4
yeah, i'm preety bored right now, so here ya go...
A man goes to a bar down by a dock, and there he sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch on his eye. The man says to the pirate, "Would you mind if I asked you about your injuries?"
The pirate responds, "No, not at all."
So the man asks him, "Well, how did you lose your leg?"
"Argh, I was thrown overboard in a hurricane and there was a shark next to me boat. I killed it and me crew fished me out, but not before the lubber took a bit out o' me leg."
"That's awful! What about your hand?"
"Aye, we were plunderin' a ship and stealin' some booty. I lost me hand in a sword fight."
"And what about your eye?"
"Argh, a bird pooped in me eye!"
Bewildered, the man asks him, "So then why do you need a patch?"
And the pirate responds, "Matey, it was me first day with the hook for a hand."
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An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.
"What happened?" says the doctor.
"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."
The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that damn jar open."
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Learn Chinese in 5 minutes...(You MUST read them out loud)
>1) That's not right ................Sum Ting Wong
>2) Are you harboring a fugitive?.............Hu Yu Hai Ding
>3) See me ASAP...............................Kum Hia Nao
>4) Stupid Man ...............................Dum Fuk
>5) Small Horse ..............................Tai Ni Po Ni
>6) Did you go to the beach?.................Wai Yu So Tan
>7) I bumped into a coffee table.Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin ni
>8] I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat
>9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim
>10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching?
>11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah King
>12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?
>13) Staying out of sight ..................... Lie Ying Lo
>14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka
>15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu
>16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah
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A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
-------------------------------------------------------------
There's a woman who goes into labour, and has a set of twins. One's a boy, and the other is a girl. The babies were taken away into another room in the hospital, to be checked for health issues.
The new-mother's brother, who wasn't very smart, decided to name the babies. He stood outside the room, letting his sister rest for a bit. He was accompanied by the new-mother's husband.
Not too long later, the husband enters the room once the new-mother awakens. He sighs. `He named them.`
The new-mother frowned, and shook her head. She knew her brother wasn't good at making names. `What did he call them?`
`Denice...` He replied. `For our baby girl.` He stated.
`That's not SO bad.` She replied, smiling.
`Well, he named the other one Denephew.
A man goes to a bar down by a dock, and there he sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch on his eye. The man says to the pirate, "Would you mind if I asked you about your injuries?"
The pirate responds, "No, not at all."
So the man asks him, "Well, how did you lose your leg?"
"Argh, I was thrown overboard in a hurricane and there was a shark next to me boat. I killed it and me crew fished me out, but not before the lubber took a bit out o' me leg."
"That's awful! What about your hand?"
"Aye, we were plunderin' a ship and stealin' some booty. I lost me hand in a sword fight."
"And what about your eye?"
"Argh, a bird pooped in me eye!"
Bewildered, the man asks him, "So then why do you need a patch?"
And the pirate responds, "Matey, it was me first day with the hook for a hand."
------------------------------------------------
An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.
"What happened?" says the doctor.
"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."
The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that damn jar open."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes...(You MUST read them out loud)
>1) That's not right ................Sum Ting Wong
>2) Are you harboring a fugitive?.............Hu Yu Hai Ding
>3) See me ASAP...............................Kum Hia Nao
>4) Stupid Man ...............................Dum Fuk
>5) Small Horse ..............................Tai Ni Po Ni
>6) Did you go to the beach?.................Wai Yu So Tan
>7) I bumped into a coffee table.Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin ni
>8] I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat
>9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim
>10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching?
>11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah King
>12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?
>13) Staying out of sight ..................... Lie Ying Lo
>14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka
>15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu
>16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
-------------------------------------------------------------
There's a woman who goes into labour, and has a set of twins. One's a boy, and the other is a girl. The babies were taken away into another room in the hospital, to be checked for health issues.
The new-mother's brother, who wasn't very smart, decided to name the babies. He stood outside the room, letting his sister rest for a bit. He was accompanied by the new-mother's husband.
Not too long later, the husband enters the room once the new-mother awakens. He sighs. `He named them.`
The new-mother frowned, and shook her head. She knew her brother wasn't good at making names. `What did he call them?`
`Denice...` He replied. `For our baby girl.` He stated.
`That's not SO bad.` She replied, smiling.
`Well, he named the other one Denephew.
